Effective Narrative Writing: A Model Response

A good piece of narrative writing evokes the imagination through characterisation, descriptive details and vivid imagery that transport readers into your world and allows them to immerse themselves in rich details. All too often, students’ writings often lack these key ingredients to make their compositions stand out. Let’s look at a “before” and “after” version of a paragraph describing how the protagonist and his friends were chased by a dog.

Before

Since my home gate was locked, we decided to run towards the nearest alley in hope that we would lose the dog. Suddenly, Sean fell flat onto the ground and started crying. “Oh no! Sean!” I shouted. I immediately spun around so I could protect Sean. I immediately charged towards the dog hoping I could scare it off. I accidentally tripped over a stone and landed on the dog. I immediately stood up thinking it would attack, but instead it ran away!

After

I fumbled with the locks on my gate furiously, hoping to get it open before the rabid dog caught up with us. “Jack, forget the lock! Run!” screamed Sean as the mad dog’s barking grew louder. In a moment of haste, I threw my keys to the ground and took off with Sean, hoping to shake off that bloodthirsty hound in a nearby alley. Suddenly, I heard Sean fell flat on his face with a loud thud. I turned back and, to my horror, saw the dreaded mongrel gaining on us. With a loud cry, I charged towards the dog, hoping that my size would be intimidating enough to scare it off. My heart skipped a beat when I tripped over a stone and fell with my full weight bearing on the dog. Fear pulsed through me as I prepared myself for the worst. I’m going to be torn to shreds by those sharp fangs! I thought.

Lady Luck must have been smiling on me that day, however. I heard faint whimpering and opened my eyes to see that the dog had scampered away instead!

Did you add other details that we might have missed out? Leave your model paragraph in the comments section below and let us know!